I am so frustrated , that I could just cry, if fact that is just how I came home from Choir practice.
In our church all the teachers of the classes ,scouting ,music and ministers are all done by the members of the congregation. no one gets paid for their time or the work they do, it is all voluntarily done as our way of "building up the kingdom" . We are each given a "calling" which gives us that chance to help out in some way...usually it is for a short period of time before they shuffle people around...
My calling is to play the organ usually once a month...at one time our congregation only had three people in the ward who played the organ, one moved away and the other two had very stressful callings already so seeing as I could play the piano , I was "called" to play the organ. Are you kidding me, you do understand that these are two completely different instruments that you play totally different. I have never had that much confidence anyway so if I could only play in another room so no one could see me and have it piped in than I might be OK. Well no such luck.
You will be blessed for accepting the calling and I can honestly say that I have been in most circumstances...I can play the organ now (under protest) and have found that I won't die if I make a mistake...I fake it fairly well most of the time, and have found abilities beyond my own.
My other calling is the Choir Pianist. This one is more difficult than the first one. I enjoy playing the piano for my own enjoyment but not comfortable in front of others, well as choir pianist you are front and center. I am not that good of a pianist , mediocre at best, and this seems to be one of those callings that you never get released from. In the ward we were in I had this calling for 9 years under 4 different directors. Each has their own style of leading and practicing. After those nine years needless to say I was burned out, and also a little frustrated when they would complain that they needed a soprano and where to find one, (Hello sitting here at the piano)
Anyway with the change of ward boundaries I was released. Yea . And I have to admit that I wasn't very supportive for the next year. I didn't go to sing either just needed time to recoup .
Well fast forward and guess who is the piano player again...yup that's right. Me.
(Sigh!)
My frustration has come from this particular director. He is a very sweet man and I love him dearly , but is very difficult to follow. He "feels" everything so deeply that he wants to put lots of emotion into the music so leads very slowly, and never the same twice.
The Bishop once asked me to tell all organist not to follow his lead, just play it faster how we wanted. you can't do that .that is not how music is done. Either release me or him ,but don't encourage me not to follow him.
We have a very small choir , some of which do not read music, so it important to learn each part individually. He doesn't seem to get that ,just wants to jump in and pound it out. There are a few gals that are frustrated because of that and won't come out to practice any more. Also being a small group you really have to be careful to keep the music simple enough be able to put it together. Also as a director you need to pick music that is on the level of your pianist. He doesn't get that either.
Lately the music he has been wanting to sing is so far beyond my abilities that it is not even funny. I have told him that he will have to get someone else to play it . somehow he just thought that I didn't want to...not it at all ,no false humility here,I just honestly can't play it. So trying to be a team player I have been trying to find music that can be put together easily and not too difficult to play and he just seems fixated on the couple of pieces that he remembers and loves and wants to do that I can't play...this last week not one song that I suggested did he want to practice only the songs that I could not and will never be able to play did he want to sing.
Something is going to have to be said or someone has to help me get it through to him that there is a problem or they are going to have to release me.
Sorry for the long post...just really needed to vent.
